the
time has come to tell the whole sordid story about the question…
“Is $21,500 Too Much to Lose
on ONE HOLE of GOLF?”
I’ve had to make a variety of excuses over the length of
my marriage for an enormous number of acts-of-pure-insanity. I cannot imagine,
even in my wildest Jack-Daniels-impaired behavior, what excuse I could ever
give for losing $50,000 in only 8 holes of golf! It would rank right up there
with Honey, I slept with your sister and your best friend…at the same time…on
our wedding night!
It
is a situation that would seem unthinkable. Well, here’s How I Made it Look
Easy! (the losing money part…not the other stuff, I made that up, honest!)
I arrived at the Las Vegas Paiute Resort early. I love
the Paiute. It sits majestically lonely in the desert north of Las Vegas. It
boasts three championship courses, all designed by Pete Dye, Snow Mountain (the
first course to open,) Sun Mountain and the Wolf. Each has a traditional Paiute
Indian translation of its name. Those names, Nu-Wav Kaiv (Snow Mountain,)
Tav-Ai Kaiv (Sun Mountain) and Kwetoo-Unuv (Wolf,) simply add to the uniqueness
of these three gems. It is magnificently groomed and maintained by Director of
Golf Course Maintenance, Jeff Reid, who treats each course with the hand of a
loving parent. General Manager, Jason Cheney, makes certain that your golf
experience will be worth the drive, which is a quick 35 minutes from The Strip.
By now you have guessed that I am a FAN!
But, I do digress. On this Monday, I am at the Paiute to
participate in the “Get Acquainted” Preliminary Round for the 2009 World Series
of Golf. The joint is alive with activity, with outings on each of the courses
and multiple outings on one course. Don’t these golfers know there’s a
full-blown recession going on? I will be playing on Sun Mountain, perhaps the
easiest of the trio of courses at 7,112 yards from the tips.
After checking in, extremely ahead of my tee time (ok, I
was a little excited,) I sat at the bar with Verna, who has tended bar at the
Paiute since the day they opened, and treated myself to a mid-morning Bloody
Mary (yeah, I was a little nervous too!) With plenty of time to warm up I
headed to the Paiute’s superb practice facility. There are actually two
world-class facilities at the Paiute. One is exclusively for the Wolf course,
while the other serves both Snow and Sun Mountain. I putt on the first of two
practice greens, hit full shots on the enormous practice range, and then hit
chips and sand shots on the chipping green. I’m a stone cold killer and ready to rumble!
If you are unfamiliar with the World Series of Golf,
don’t feel too bad. This is the third year for this growing event which
combines the aspects of High Stakes Poker with Championship Golf. The entry fee
is a mere $10,000 per player. That is NOT a misprint… TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS PER
PLAYER! If that doesn’t give you a moment of pause, may I borrow your yacht
this weekend? This year there are 125 players entered and only one out of five
will advance to the second round. That could make your $10,000 the largest
“greens fee” that you’ll ever pay! On the other hand, just moving on to Round
#2 assures you of winning back your entrance fee as all those who move forward
are paid $10,000. The outright winner of the event will take home a cool
$300,000 and second place earns $100,000! Not bad, considering that this is an
Amateur event. Sorry all you Golf Pros… no Professional GOLFERS allowed,
Professional POKER PLAYERS and all other characters welcome!
Today, we are playing “as if” we all had advanced to the
Second Round. That means that we each will start with a $50,000 bankroll.
Fortunately, today is really an orientation round so that players will be
prepared for the real event which takes place beginning May 11 at the Paiute
Resort. Those of you who know me have already figured out that I’m not playing
with “real” money. Somehow, I don’t trust my golf skills enough to cough up Ten
Large just to enter! I am then corrected by Terry Leiweke, CEO of the World
Series of Golf and a flag-waving zealot for the event; “It is a player’s poker
skills that win this tournament. Our statistics tell us that you are unlikely
to hit more than 6 to 8 fairway shots during the entire round and putt only
about 75% of the time on those shots,” Leiweke stated. In my mind I’m saying,
“Whatever, I’m ready, I’m a decent player, I know the course, he’s not talking
about a golf-stud like me.” Believe me, he was.
An overview of the rules, which are more for the poker
aspect than the golf aspect, take place on the first tee. I can hardly wait;
these guys won’t know who hit ‘em! I even trash talk with one of the
“croupiers” who will accompany us throughout the round to keep the betting
correct and the dollar balances calculated for our 5-some. “I’ll play anybody
on these first three holes,” I say with more arrogance then I can ever remember
displaying before. “Yep, I’ll be one aggressive force on the first three and
then coast on home.” This is heady stuff and I’m drinking it all in with
abandon.
Each group winner in round one will advance to round two. Each
group winner in round two will advance to the final round. Competitors that
compete in the final round will be in one group, and the winner will be crowned
the champion of the World Series of Golf.
Order of Play
On the first tee,
there will be a random draw to determine the set order of play for that round.
A designated
competitor (the first competitor to hit on the first tee) will have the button
for that hole. On the next hole that competitor moves to the bottom (last to
hit), and all other competitors move up one spot. Each competitor always
follows the competitor in front of him (unless he folds) except when he has the
button. The competitor with the button will always play his shot first in each
round of shots and the pre-designated order will be followed. A competitor will
NOT hit his shot first based on being “away” but rather the designated order
determined before play begins will determine who plays and in what order.
A competitor may not hit his next shot, even if he is furthest
away, until each competitor has hit his shot in the order of the button.
Competitors follow the pre-designated order of play designated by the button.
Antes
Every competitor is required to ante a
pre-designated amount prior to beginning play on each hole. The ante will
increase multiple times during the competition round.
Each competitor’s bank will be the same at the
start of each day. The 1st hole ante on each day will be 1% of that amount. Should
a competitor not have enough money to pay the entire ante on a given hole that
competitor will be immediately eliminated and his remaining cash will be placed
into the pot of the hole being played.
Betting
First Round of
Betting: A competitor may place an additional wager after all of the first
shots are played by each competitor and prior to hitting his second shot. The
Competitor with the button sets the standard by placing a bet, checking, or
folding. The next competitor shall have the opportunity to call, raise or fold
on the bet. The other competitors must call, raise or fold. If a competitor
folds he loses whatever he has wagered to that point, and he must immediately
stop playing and wait to start playing at the next hole. This format continues
until all remaining competitors finish the hole, or a winner is determined,
whichever comes first.
Winning
Winning a Hole: The outright winner of the
hole receives the entire pot for that hole. Multiple Competitors Tie on a Hole
(Even Split): In the case of a tie, the pot is split evenly between the winners
of the hole
So, with the rules
firmly in my brain, I join my competitors on the 418-yard, Par-4, first hole to
draw for the hitting order for the day. I wind up hitting #5 in our 5-some, I
like my chances immediately. My opponents are quite a varied bunch. Two guys in
their 30s, one distinguished gentleman about my age (beware the man whose
business card has ONLY his name and phone number,) a Latin-American with the
strangest golf swing I’ve ever seen, and me… There is something that my Grandpa
once told me about gambling; if you are unsure of whom the sucker is in a
game…it is YOU!
Five-hundred dollar
ante on hole #1 and my drive leaves me 128 yards from the pin in the middle of
the fairway. Two of my group find the rocks and they fold as the first bet of
the day comes from the Latin American, Francisco. He is about twenty yards
behind me and in the rough, his bet is $1,000. The best player in our group is
a guy named Jack. He is about 15 yards closer than I am but will be hitting
first (remember the format) he calls the bet. I call the bet, game on! Jack
hooks his shot into the rocks and Francisco blocks his shot wide right. I’m
smiling, this looks easy and with that thought I chunk a lazy 8-iron all of 20
yards! No problem, I’m still in better shape than the other two. Jack folds
from the rocks and Francisco bets $5,000 from the rough on the right… I start
to salivate. Since I have a really easy shot from 108 yards, I call. Francisco
knocks his shot out of the rough, over a bunker, across the width of the green
to about 5 feet! My stomach gets tight. I hit a serviceable shot below the flag
about 12 feet away. Now the day gets weird. There is a lot going on around the
hole and as I walk up to the green I hear the Croupier for our group say;
“$2,000.” My mind is tightly focused on the putt I have left and I immediately
call the bet, knowing that the worst that happens is that I will have lost is
$6,500 if he makes his short putt and I miss mine. There is a bunch of chatter
as soon as I call the bet and I don’t understand why. It all becomes clear when
the Croupier restates the status prior to Francisco’s putt…the bet I had called
was $15,000 NOT $2,000!
I swallow HARD and
watch as Francisco catches just enough of the left side of the cup to drop in.
My weak effort slides right and I lose $21,500 on the FIRST HOLE!
From then on I am
playing as a huge underdog. I squeeze out a half on the second hole but must
fold on the Par-5 third hole when my drive catches the fairway bunker. On #4, a
long Par-3 with water along the right, I land my drive short-sided in the
bunker and call a $4,000 bet with everyone off the green. My failure to get up
and down costs me deeply. I am the bettor on #5 and I bet $4,000, even though
two opponents are in the fairway and closer than I am. I hit one stiff, about
5-feet below the hole and I bet another $4,000, which gets called by two
opponents. Andy, a 30-Something with a sweet swing, dunks a birdie from
downtown after I lip out my 5-footer. I’m in some World-Serious trouble! A fold
on six and a bad bounce on seven leave me way behind by the time we reach #8, a
160-yard Par-3. I go “all-in” with a 7-footer against Jack’s 25-footer. Since
my chip count is so low by this time, Jack calls rather than fold. I miss from
7 feet and he drills a toilet-bowl that flushes me away and out of the
competition after 8 holes! My only solace is that he went on to win our group.
Even though I made a
mess of my round, I had a blast. The bad news is that after reading this I’m
going to be hard pressed to find anyone to front me $10,000 to enter the real
event!
For more information
about the World Series of Golf or to register to play in the event, go to www.worldseriesofgolf.com. And, if
you have $10,000 that you don’t know how to spend… send me an email!
#
Michael
Donovan is the owner and “Head Nut #0001” of the Golf Nut Society. You can
contact him directly at (702)616-1696 or via email at
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